Monday, 28 October 2013

What almost brought me to tears last night.


I am struggling today and I mean really struggling to get my head out of a bad place. I knew that this would happen at some stage of this process but I was really hoping it wouldn't. 

As you know I have an obsession with my scales. So far it has worked for me and been a great motivator. But last night I wanted to smash them against the wall. I went to bed telling hubby I was going to quit & start eating crap again. No more sweating everywhere and pushing myself to run. I was OVER IT!!!

To be honest it is the first time I have wanted to cry after getting on the scales. I know that spending 10hrs at the pub on Saturday was not exactly a great help!! Neither was that bit of sausage I pinched of the kids dinner plate last night. Actually it was more then one bit and it was more then just last night. 

I wanted to stay away from here and my facebook page for a while and just retreat into my own little cake, chocolate, white bread & butter land. But that is not what I promised myself and all of you when I started this whole thing. 

I had some running around to do this morning so I threw on a dress it's nothing special however.....I got lots of compliments. One mum at school even said she didn't recognise me. granted she hasn't seen me since before school holidays and she may or may not need to get her eyes tested. 

It was a great confidence booster and you would think it would be enough to pull me out of my self pity land but alas it isn't. I still feel like saying F*$# it and eating everything in sight. Although as hubby pointed out last night I can't do that because I got rid of all my 'fat' clothes. 

I'm not going to finish this post with my usual pep talk of how from now on blah blah blah you have all heard it before. I will say that I haven't eaten anything more then I should today and as much as I almost grabbed a chocolate bar at the shops this morning I didn't. So maybe things are sinking in more then I realise. 

I know last time I felt like this I said I was going to do measurements as well as weigh in so on Thursday I will. I can't do Weigh In Wednesday as we are off to Perth tonight for Amelia to have her broken arm looked at tomorrow morning.  

Now I am off to pack bags and get things together as the big kids will be staying at Granny & Pop's whilst we head to Perth. I am going to pack my running clothes and hit the pavement in the morning!!!!!

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