What almost brought me to tears last night.

STRUGGLE CITY

I am struggling today and I mean really struggling to get my head out of a bad place. I knew that this would happen at some stage of this process but I was really hoping it wouldn't. 

As you know I have an obsession with my scales. So far it has worked for me and been a great motivator. But last night I wanted to smash them against the wall. I went to bed telling hubby I was going to quit & start eating crap again. No more sweating everywhere and pushing myself to run. I was OVER IT!!!

To be honest it is the first time I have wanted to cry after getting on the scales. I know that spending 10hrs at the pub on Saturday was not exactly a great help!! Neither was that bit of sausage I pinched of the kids dinner plate last night. Actually it was more then one bit and it was more then just last night. 

I wanted to stay away from here and my facebook page for a while and just retreat into my own little cake, chocolate, white bread & butter land. But that is not what I promised myself and all of you when I started this whole thing. 

I had some running around to do this morning so I threw on a dress it's nothing special however.....I got lots of compliments. One mum at school even said she didn't recognise me. granted she hasn't seen me since before school holidays and she may or may not need to get her eyes tested. 

It was a great confidence booster and you would think it would be enough to pull me out of my self pity land but alas it isn't. I still feel like saying F*$# it and eating everything in sight. Although as hubby pointed out last night I can't do that because I got rid of all my 'fat' clothes. 

I'm not going to finish this post with my usual pep talk of how from now on blah blah blah you have all heard it before. I will say that I haven't eaten anything more then I should today and as much as I almost grabbed a chocolate bar at the shops this morning I didn't. So maybe things are sinking in more then I realise. 

I know last time I felt like this I said I was going to do measurements as well as weigh in so on Thursday I will. I can't do Weigh In Wednesday as we are off to Perth tonight for Amelia to have her broken arm looked at tomorrow morning.  

Now I am off to pack bags and get things together as the big kids will be staying at Granny & Pop's whilst we head to Perth. I am going to pack my running clothes and hit the pavement in the morning!!!!!

Kick up the bum we all need.

Yesterday was an eventful day. What started as a planned trip to town for hubby to get test results from the Dr turned into a full half a day of Dr, Hospital, Dr, Hospital and a 2yr old with a broken arm. In all the drama of the broken arm we had hubby's appointment.

He went in a week ago to have just a general check up you know cholesterol, blood sugar, blood pressure, skin cancer check etc. He was told then that he needed to lose 10kg and his blood pressure was high.We had to wait until yesterday for the other results. He had also been taking his blood pressure 3x a day for a week.

The news wasn't great. Which we were expecting and why I went with him to the appointment. Basically we have 6 weeks to change his diet and bring down some of his stats. He also needs regular exercise in the the form of walking and running. And of course he needs to limit his alcohol. He isn't a huge drinker but enjoys a couple of beers a night. I mean really who doesn't??  All of this will help with losing the 10kg and becoming healthier in general. Hoping we can regulate it all with diet and exercise to save going on medication.

So I am chief cook, motivator, personal trainer, dietitian and butt kicker. I am more motivated to cook and eat healthier. As you know I had got a bit slack in this area in the past few months. I am looking into low cholesterol and low GI options. Still being able to cook some of our favourites but just in a different way. So glad that we are heading into summer with yummy salads and lighter meals.

This is sooo true. Hubby told me when I first started all this that once I reached his weight he would join me. That was 15kg ago. 

While I am not stoked about the situation with his health I am so happy that he decided to get it all checked out and that the Dr was very stern. I am really happy that we are on the same page. Last night for example he came home from work and went for his first run/walk. Then when he got home I headed out for mine. It is a shame that we can't go out together but I think that leaving 3 kids under 7 home alone while we go for a run is probably not such a good idea. Especially with the luck we are having.

If anyone has any tips, recipes or website they can recommend I would love to hear it.

Learning to listen....

Since starting this whole process I am noticing a lot of changes and not just to my waistline. I am starting to notice the different ways that certain food affect my body. This is something that was probably always there but because I was eating/ drinking it all the time I didn't notice. Also my body is not used to these food anymore so when I have them it goes a bit crazy.

Whilst on holidays I had a bit of a blow out one day when I ate 4 rather large slices of a Jubilee Twist. This one of my favourite things to eat. And of course each slice had a big slab of margarine on it. I love it while I was eating it. I can't lie it was very yummy. However...... about an hour later my tummy was not loving it so much. I felt bloated and sick. I had frequent trips to the loo. Which when you are in a caravan park is not fun. Made even worse by a 5yr old girl who wants to come with you every time and has no issues asking you what you are doing, in detail!!!

Then on Saturday I took my 2 older kids to Perth to watch a movie and then we did some shopping. Of course a 7yr old boy would rather be anywhere but at a shopping centre on a Saturday doing food shopping with his mum & sister!! Which of course made it such an enjoyable stress free time for me. My vision of having kids who were just so excited and thankful to be taken to Perth to the movies was crushed and trampled on. Not too sure why I was thinking one trip to the movies was somehow going to change them.

 I was tired and very over it. So I whilst I was getting them their promised take away for lunch I got a wrap, chips & Diet Coke. I was over it, in a hurry and it was raining. These are my excuses. Not reasons EXCUSES!!!! About an hour later and half way home my tummy again starting telling me there are no excuses and it decided to punish me for my bad choices. Lets just say I am very thankful that there are nice new public toilets in a tiny little town we drive through. And I am thankful they were empty as I again had my lovely inquisitive 5yr old asking me why I was taking so long and what was I doing.

So for the rest of the trip home in between sorting out the fights in the back seat & answering five million questions. I was giving myself a right royal telling off!!!! I have had a crappy week. Since Wednesday morning I have not been able to stop eating. I have not exercised. I have been a VERY grumpy mum. I have been a cranky wife. Basically I have had PMS. It's not something that affects every month but this month it did. Big time!!!

Where to now?????? Well starting with the basics no more soft drinks, more meal planning, no more picking off the kids plates and no more excuses. I started a new routine this morning, early run/walk followed by listening the the hypnotist recording then ready to start the day in the right frame of mind. I feel a bit like a broken record these last few posts. I slip up then I talk about getting back on track. I slip up then I talk about getting back on track etc etc etc. I won't say this will be the last time you hear me say it but hopefully it's the last time for a while.

Monday morning run + Kale chips 

= New routine and new recipes

Reality Check!!

So over the last week I have share pics of how far I have come and I am extremely proud of that. But I have also realised how far I have to go. For the past almost 3 months I have stayed around the 85kg mark. I have gone up and down within a kilo from week to week.

I know I have said this a few times over the last few months but it really is time to 'pull my finger out'. And what better reminder then when clothes are a little or a lot too tight. Whilst on holidays I bought 2 pairs of 3/4 denim pants. Both size 14. One from Jay Jays and the other from Target. I bought them both with out trying them on.

I got the Jay Jays ones first. I have never really shopped in the store before. It was one of those shops that a bigger person avoids. So I got back to the camper and tried them on.......there was lots of jumping, jiggling, squeezing, sucking in etc. Which lead to a cake top. Not just a muffin top but you know when you over fill a cake tin and it goes everywhere when it's baking. Actually it was probably more like a soft serve ice cream on a hot day. You know when it melts all over the sides. OK enough food references. You get the idea. In my head apart from being disappointed I told myself that they must have small sizes in that shop.

Then on the way home I got a second pair from Target. And again didn't try them on but quite confidently bought a size 14. Got home to try them on and same thing....jiggling, jumping, squeezing etc. And another overflowing ice cream.

I now have 2 pairs of pants I need to try and fit into. Also of the 4 pairs of shorts I bought from Jeanswest a few months ago only 2 pairs fit comfortably.

I had a LOT of road blocks and excuses over the last few months but the road from here to Christmas is looking pretty good. And with the warmer weather comes more salads and fresh yummy summer fruit. It also means hotter weather for runs and snakes but I am not going to look for reasons/ excuses I am going to just do it.

Hubby has also been told by the Dr he needs to lose at least 10kg. So he is now motivated and even got up at 5:30am to go for a bike ride. It will definitely make meals times much easier and motivate me to make healthier more exciting meals. There were a few old habits creeping back in like my love of pasta. Which was OK when I had hockey training twice a week plus a game plus netball plus running. But not so flash when you sit on you bum and find every excuse in the book not to go running.

POP that was the sound of finger being pulled out!! No more excuses and when I feel like snacking or not going for a run I am going to try on those shorts that don't quite fit to remind me I don't want to have ice cream overflowing down the cone and down my arms making them sticky.

Before & in-between pics.

After my holiday post the other day I had a few request for before & after pics. These before pics I wasn't going to share. But after hubby's comments the other day about seeing how far I had come I thought I would bite the bullet and share.

But these aren't before and after pics. These are before and nearly there pics. Still a bit of a way to go but a nice reminder of how far I have come in 10 months.

Just a bit of fun after the depressing task of taking before pics. 

I promise enough of the bragging through pics. Back to normal posts after this. 

Holidays!

Whilst on holidays I did something I haven't done since I was 14yrs old. I wore a bikini. On a beach. In public. Granted the first time there was no one else on the beach. but by the last day of holidays there were teenage girls laying there sunbaking in their tiny bikini's and beautiful bodies.

So here are some pics from our holidays. Including bikini pics.......I am sure I will regret posting these on the internet. I am nervous about posting them on one hand I am proud of how far I have come but I still have such a long way to go.

here goes nothing................................

Happy Snaps

Most supportive husband!!!