Decisions...........Decisions?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

For the last probably 2 yrs there is something that has been on my mind. And very recently I can not stop thinking about it. One day the answer is yes the next the answer is no. It not a decision that can be taken lightly as it will have a massive impact on not just my life but my whole family. It's not just my decision it is something hubby and I have to be in total agreement about or it will never happen.

So what is the BIG decision??? Well if you haven't already worked it out...........Do we have another baby or not?? We already have 3 beautiful, healthy, mostly happy kids. We have Lachlan 7, Molly 5(almost 6) & Amelia 2 (almost 3). I know some of you think that I am crazy for even contemplating it and maybe I am. I think I am crazy most days but that is a WHOLE other blog post.

The thing is if we are going to do it I feel like we need to do it in the next probably 6 months. For a few reasons: We aren't getting any younger, (I know 33/34 is not old and a lot of people haven't even started their families at our age) we don't want a bigger age gap then 4yrs, because of the weird school age cut offs in WA we want to have it in the first half of the year (which gives me until September).

I come from a family of 5 kids so there are a lot of us, we are loud, we fight, we laugh, we drive eachother crazy but there is nothing better then when we are all together and the cousins are all playing together even though they range in age from 18 to 2. They all get along and the older ones are great babysitters with the younger ones. I do have one sister who isn't really involved in the family but that is a whole other story. So it is just 4 of us and our families who get together for Christmases, birthdays etc etc

So what are the pros & cons...........There are too many to list as I am sure you can imagine things like finances, daily life, possibility of twins, starting again etc etc. And very selfishly it would mean things like weekends away either for hockey trips or just us as a couple would be no existent. It's hard enough getting someone to look after 3 kids let alone 4.

Thing is I just don't feel like I am DONE. Hubby goes back and forth too. I ask him and he says he doesn't know so to me that means yes there is still hope. And at the moment it is consuming me. To the point where last night I dreamt that I had a baby boy.

Maybe I was always be 'clucky' and maybe one more will always be how I feel. But I think you know when you are done and I am just not there yet. Although ask me at about 5pm on any given day and the answer is sure to be Hell YES I AM DONE!!!! Or at 6am on a Sunday after a night out. Oh that's right no more nights out with 4 kids.

Am I crazy??  I guess time will tell............