OMG it's May already & I'm still where I was at the start of the year!!!

So it's the first of May, almost half way through the year and I have pretty much wasted the first 4 months. As in my weight is still where it was my fitness is a bit better thanks to hockey training but nowhere near where it should be!!

I am feeling like I am at a bit of a crossroads. I am trying to decide what is the next step????

Do I go against everything I have said and believe about healthy nutrition and weight loss and do the shake thing to give myself a kick start??

Or

Do I try to get back on the healthy eating & exercise bandwagon which I know works??

I think deep down I know that answer. I'm just thinking that the shakes will give me a kick start and get me going. I have also come across 28bysamwood which looks like a great program and maybe that's what I need to give me the kick start. It's like a mini version of 12wbt from what I can understand. It does exercise, food & mindfulness. Although the idea of the quick fix of the shakes is really appealing.

I kind of feel like May is my make or break month. I have a 12km fun run at the end of May. It's my birthday at the start of June so it's always nice to be feeling great for that. It's also now only 8 Months until my brothers wedding and I want to be looking and feeling great for that.

I really feel like once my eating and exercise are back on track everything else seems to work out and run smoothly. I am way off track with my PT course. My house is a disaster zone. Everything about being a mum just seems harder!!! But I know that a big part of all of that is that I don't have the energy because I haven't been eating properly or exercising regularly.

So time to make some decisions and set some goals..................

Hello...................It's been a while.

Here we go again...................
I'm back blogging, I just had a bit of a look and I haven't blogged since August last year and even then I think I only blogged about 4 or 5 times all year. Lots has happened since then

We won our hockey premiership
Hubby and I went to Canada
I have 2 new Nephews
We became Odd Parents to one of them
I'm studying to become a Personal Trainer

And I have put back on ALL the weight that I worked so hard to lose. It has slowly happened over the last 12 months. A couple of kg here and there have all added up. I have to say it feels HORRIBLE!!!!

I must admit before I lost the weight I hadn't been smaller since I was a teenager so I was used to my fat and lived in a little bubble of not really realising how big I was. But now knowing how good I can look and more importantly feel I look at myself now and just feel shit. There's no other word for it. It's a horrible feeling. And it SHOULD be enough of a motivation to get my act together.

Well you would think so wouldn't you??? The truth is I will be good for a few days or a week and then BAM a couple of days not watching what I eat and no exercise and 2kg added to the scales. I set myself goals, realistic, achievable, goals and I almost reach them then BAM motivation is out the window.

Now I am at a real loss as to how to get back into the swing of things. I have my brothers wedding at the end of the year and that is my long term goal. I would love to look amazing for that. I already have a dress that I bought for a wedding last year but didn't fit into. It's a size 14 and beautiful.

But before that I really need to get my head back into the right place. That is my main struggle at the moment. I am loving my personal training course and I know that no one wants a fat PT but even that doesn't seem to stop me from going to the fridge or sitting on the couch instead of exercising. I set myself a goal of being 97kg by the end of march. Pfft I was going well got down to 100.3kg but then old habits crept back in AGAIN!!!!

Whilst I realise the number on the scales are not the be all and end all. It's not just about the numbers it's about the clothes that don't fit, the red marks on your tummy from tight jeans, the bras that leave back fat and are so tight you can't wait to get them off, not being able to bend over comfortably to tie up your shoe laces, not being able to run more then 3km, a sore back, no strength, not keeping up at hockey training,  I could go on & on.

I'm not going to make any huge bold statements on here and set all these goals that I may or may not reach. What I will do is promise to keep the blogging up. The good, the bad & the ugly. The first ugly bit I will share is what the scales said this morning.

103.6kg

The Scales Don't Lie!!! Binge Fest is OVER!!!!!

It's time to get real and stop making excuses and telling myself it's ok because I have been maintaining my weight.

What a load of crap Nicole!!!! (now you know I'm in trouble when I use my full name.

I have been telling myself I have been maintaining my weight for the past 12 months. I feel ok because I haven't put on that much weight. Just a couple of kilos.

Well..................This morning I jumped on the scales after a weekend that can only be described as a Binge Fest!!!! Basically the last few months have been a Binge Fest!! I have not had any self control when it comes to food. All those sneaky old habits have been sneaking back in.

So what did the scales say??

93.4kg!!!!!

That's a whopping 9kg more then this time 2 years ago

A big 6kg more then before Christmas.

And 23kg off where I want to be!!!!

It is definitely the wake up call I needed. I have recently met a few people who have been following my progress on Facebook and Instagram. And I feel like I am a bit of a fake and phony as I am not what I was 2yrs ago. I also feel like all those who doubted me are rubbing their hands together saying "see I knew she couldn't keep it up"

So I am going to use all this as determination to AGAIN prove them all wrong!!

I started this morning with a workout. I am doing the Kayla Itsines Bikini Body Guide. I started this once before but this time I am doing it with my Nanny. We have decided to do it together. I am looking forward to doing it together and having someone else to sweat with.

I'm not going to make any massive claims that I am going to lose 10kg in the next 6 weeks or anything like that I am just going to work out, watch what I eat and hopefully the weight will start to drop off.

The Blog is BACK!!!

Well...................Where do I begin...................

I have just had a quick look and realised I have written 4 blog posts this year FOUR!!! And my last one was in March!!!! Geez and I am wondering what is not working............perhaps it's as simple as write more blog posts..............ha ha ha if only it were that easy.

So what's been happening?? Well if you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you will have a rough idea of what has been going on for the past few months. Just life really.

I am working more and more at the moment which is great for the bank balance but I am struggling with the life balance. We have a lovely young lady living with us during the week to help out with looking after the kids. The joys of country living is that after school care in non existent and with all their after school activities I need someone who can also be their taxi!!! The kids are happy and loving Aimee so that makes it easier.

I am struggling with fitting everything in (not in my mouth though that doesn't seem to be a problem). I hate getting home from work and doing the old 'hi/bye' with the kids when I walk in the door after being at work all day. Thus the exercise just hasn't really been happening for me at the moment. I am doing hockey training and the odd run or ride here and there but nothing regular like I used to. I have started running again a bit (I've done 2 in the last 2 weeks) and I am realising how much I have missed it.

FOOD, FOOD, FOOD!!!! I have been making pretty poor choices with my food actually it hasn't been all that bad my biggest problem has not been what I'm eating more how much I am eating. My portions are out of control. As well as snacking............after dinner in front of the TV snacking.

I have just started looking into the whole sugar thing...........I bought and partly read a couple of books. A lot of it makes sense and it is something I really want to learn more about. I have kicked it off by giving up Diet Coke. To say I was addicted to this is a huge understatement. Last Saturday I have 4 cans!! I am happy to say that was the last day I had one I have now been 1 week Diet Coke free. It's a small step but I know it is a small step in the right direction. Although I am finding myself slipping a bit and sneaking in a few naughty snacks because in my head I'm thinking "oh well I'm not having a D.C. so I can have a lolly". Not quite the right idea.

On a positive note I took the big step and enrolled to become a Personal Trainer!! I'm so excited!!! I'm not going to begin until October when life slows down a little bit but I am excited to get into it. I am enrolled with Australian Institute of Personal Trainers. I'm doing the course via correspondence and I need to complete 20hrs of work experience. I have a lady in Perth who is going to be my mentor and I will go to her fitness studio to do all my practical assessments.

Well I think that's enough for now, I am sure you have better things to do then read my waffle but that's for taking to time to listen. I promise this will be more of a regular thing. I have my first day off at home tomorrow so the plan is to put the kids on the bus and then head off for a run.

Until next next time keep on keeping on.

Is it a 'Cop Out"?!?!?!

I am in two minds and not sure which way to go.

I had someone reach out to me offering me a solution to get out out of my funk/rut/kick up the butt........
It's Isagenix..........................What is Isagenix?!?!?!?!

Well to me it is meal replacement shakes that are natural and full of vitamins and minerals.

I am seriously thinking about giving to a try to give myself a bit of a kick start.But here is the thing I also feel  like it's a bit of a cop out and I am letting everyone down. Like if I do this it's going against everything I had said and done so far.

I have been all about doing things the hard way and not using 'quick fixes'.

EAT HEALTHY & EXERCISE!!!  

But what happens when that isn't working and your getting frustrated and cranky and shitty and pissed off etc etc etc. 

So it might be a cop out, It might not work, It might work, I might lose weight only to put it all back on again, I might hate it, I might love it but I really think it is worth a try. 

Even if I just try it for a month and see how it goes. I know that it will be hard as I LOVE food and eating. I know I will struggle to start with and get headaches and cranky. But hopefully it will give me the kick start I have been looking for. 

I have always been honest about what I am doing and I don't want this to be any different. I will let you know what I decided and when I start. 

Let me know what you think?? Have you tried it?? Did it work?? Or did you just put it all back on??? 

The next step................

As you know I have really been struggling for if I am honest the last 18 months. Whilst I have maintained my weight within about 5kg I am no where near where I want to be and I have realised that I need a bit of a helping hand. My goal is to lose 10kg by May and I am not going to reach that if I keep going the way I am going. I want to give myself all the tools I can to help me reach my goals. Different things work at different times. As you know I have done 12WBT a few times with various success. So it's time to try something different. 

On Thursday I had a spare hour to myself while I was in town so I went and grabbed a mag and headed to the local bakery for a cup of tea. (that's all I had 2 pots of tea no yummy snacks) When I went to get a mag there were the usual trashy mags that I would normally go for but I wasn't in the mood to read about who was having affairs and who was the skinniest celebrity who lives on juice and activated nuts. So I grabbed a weight watchers magazine. I haven't read one for years. 

As I was reading the stories and recipes I remembered back about 10yrs ago when they started up WW in our town. It was great although when it first started there were so many of us that it took 2 hrs to do sign up and weigh in! Over the years I have tried it on and off. But like everything else I never really fully committed. 

Yesterday I was on my lunch break at work and thought I would check out the WW website. They had a great sign up special for online coaching. So I bit the bullet and signed up. I am finding my biggest struggle at the moment in food so this seems like a good fit. So I have joined on line and downloaded the app. 

One thing I do find hard is that all their recipes have points values not calories per serve. So I have put a few into MyFitnessPal to work out the calories. It's not that I am a HUGE calorie counter but I like to use it as a rough guide and point of reference. 

I will weigh in on Mondays and I am committing to you all now that I will NOT weigh myself everyday. I will ONLY step on the scales on Monday mornings (after my morning wee of course). This will be more of a struggle then controlling my eating I think. 

I have signed up for 3 months. My goal is to lose 10kg in those 3 months. I know that I can do it as I have done it before. It will be hard but with hockey training starting soon I will have lots of motivation to get out there and exercise. I also have a friends wedding in May so that is HUGE motivation. I am thinking of buying a dress for the wedding in a size 14 as my inspiration. As of this morning I am 90kg. So my goal is to be 80kg which will put me comfortably a size 14. Which to be honest is more important to me then the number on the scales. I know it doesn't always sound like that. But my goal has always been more about size, shape & being fit & healthy then numbers on the scales. 

For now I am off to do some housework and get organised as we have tennis championships today. So an afternoon of tennis will be my fitness for today. Fingers crossed it's not too hot today. 

Support, Support, Support!!!!

I have written before about how awesome and supportive my wonderful hubby is but this is about support from outside the house. I have had amazing support from my friends and family over the last 2 yrs. 

I even have friends who send me sweaty selfies!  I have a friend who is getting married in May and we have both made a pact to lose 10kg by her wedding. She lives in NSW so all our support is done via text messages. She sends me photo's like this saying 'Your Turn'. 

(I did get her permission to post this pic)

Given that she lives in NSW she always beats me to it. But not this morning.........I finally beat her!! I sent her my sweaty selfie saying 'Tag your it!' We have been texting eachother our weights as we weigh in on Wednesdays. As well as pics of our meals and healthy food options. She has been an AMAZING support!!! 

I have other friends who send me photo's after their runs & call me names because I am making them get of the couch and go for a run. I had a friend send me a message this morning asking me how far I was going to run today. She said she was going to do 6km. My plan was 3km but I told her 4km. So now that we had both said it we had to do it. 

I set out to do 4km........Then thought I would run to the 3km turn around point. I thought I would do the 4 and then walk home. I go to 4km and knew it was about 500m to a gateway so I thought I might aswell for 4.5km. I got to the gateway and figured I had come this far I might as well make it 5km. My first 5km run for the year. The last 100m was VERY hard!!! Actually the last 2km was a struggle but I got it done!!!

Sometimes your support may not come from the people you expect it to come from. Sometimes it comes from a friend you hadn't seen for 21yrs who lives on the other side of the country.  Sometimes it comes from your Champagne & Tequila buddy down the road. Sometimes it comes from a message in the morning asking how far your going to run. 

As long as you have support you can do anything!!!